There comes a point in your life that you walk around with so much anger inside of you, that you don’t even know where it comes from. A lifetime of being told how you need to behave to be a “good person” in this life! At a certain degree being a good person started to look like a person with no boundaries and a limitless supply of patience for the “wrong people”.
It might be that one colleague that does nothing at work and piggybacks of your accomplishments, that one family member that keeps asking to borrow money or that one friend that keeps asking you for favors, yet when you need them to help you out, they don’t have the time for you. It might take weeks, months or even years, but when that day comes and you have had enough, satan will be standing on the sidelines, taking notes!
Sometimes it will not even be a person you know, that will be the trigger to your outburst. At times it is easier and safer to react and project our anger upon a complete stranger, than it is to lash out at our boss, colleagues, family members or friends. These people are the people that we have to see on a regular basis. The fact of the matter is that in this life no one really teaches us how to deal with conflict in a respectable and mature matter, that all the concerning parties get to speak their peace and the conflict gets resolved.
The body grows naturally, but the mind only grows with intention! That’s why even when we may look like adults on the outside, we argue like infants! No school criteria has taught us how to protect our boundaries without pissing of other people and not betraying ourselves by doing things against our better judgement.
So we take on that extra task our boss gives us, even if it means that we have to work overtime and not get paid. Of course we borrow that struggling family member money for the 100th time. Even though they never have money for food, they always have money for expensive clothing, technology, cigarettes and alcohol. Of course you see that lazy coworker sucking up to the boss and never doing anything, but still get that promotion. You keep giving and giving and giving so much of yourself, that one day there will be nothing left of you to give. When that moment comes that a person asks one more thing of you, you snap and the whole world will fear you. In the hope that maybe in this moment of pure rage, people will start respecting you and your boundaries.
There were moments that I wanted to react out of pure impulse. The only thing that helped me calm down is the thought that if I did what I wanted to do in my state of vicious anger, I will spend the rest of my life behind bars. A moment of anger is not worth trading in for a lifetime of sorrow and resentment. A lot of people walk around calling themselves human, yet every time they speak, the only thing that comes out is pure venom. Pure monsters in disguise.
These monsters will give you all the tools to destroy yourself, don’t give them the satisfaction.
The realization came that in order to achieve my goals, I have to overcome all the emotions and feelings that don’t serve me.
Anytime you experience emotions and feelings such as anger, frustration, sadness, extreme tiredness/ sluggishness, reflect in order to get to the root cause of these emotions. The following questions can help you reflect:
- What is it precisely that I am feeling? (give it a name)
- What was the precise trigger that made me feel this way?
- When was it that I last felt like this?
- Is there a pattern that has revealed itself to me?
- What do I need to do, to make it right to myself?
Giving the emotions that you are feeling a name, makes it easier to know what you need to do to resolve the inner conflict that arises when there is conflict outside of your body. Reflecting upon how you feel, helps you notice which patterns are keeping you stuck in life. Noticing the pattern is the first step towards actually breaking it! The pattern that reveals itself to you, is also called a coping mechanism.
Coping mechanisms are strategies you use to help manage stressful situations and/or traumatic situations. Coping mechanisms help you manage painful or difficult emotions, while you maintain your emotional well-being.
There are two types of coping: healthy and unhealthy coping:
Healthy coping is talking to friends and family for support, relaxing activities (meditation, swimming etc.), problem-solving (searching how to resolve the cause of the stress) and exercise (serves as a natural way of removing unwanted energy in the body). Emotions are energy in motion. Exercising helps bring these unwanted energies right out the body, leaving room for refreshed and energized energy.
Unhealthy coping is escape (isolating yourself while experiencing anxiety/ stress), unhealthy self-soothing and numbing (one glass of alcohol, can easily turn into 10 glasses, drugs, junk food etc.), compulsions & risk-taking (adrenaline rush with reckless behavior) and self-harm ( for example eating disorders and cutting)
In a moment of rage, asking yourself what you need to make it right to yourself; this works like a charm! This will instantly sooth the part of you that has made itself small and has put all of your boundaries on the side in the sake of being liked and accepted by the people you once respected. Asking yourself how you can make it up to yourself, will leave you feeling honored and you will take back your power. Let’s be honest with one another for just 1 second; we walk around doing things against our better judgement in the hope that others will accept us, while in reality most people don’t even accept themselves. Save yourself a lot of frustration by accepting yourself and giving others an amazing example on how they need to treat you, for anything less than that, will not be entertained or accepted.
The next time you are triggered and anger arises, ask yourself the following questions:
- What am I trying to defend?
- What am I trying to protect?
- What is it that I am trying to shelter from all harm?
These 5 tools will guide you in preventing anger and rage outbursts:
- The ‘HELL NO’ method
- No access to triggers
- Set clear boundaries for yourself and others
- The ‘PAUSE’ method
- Find your healthy coping mechanism
The ‘HELL NO’ method
Practice saying ‘NO’ to everyone. At the beginning it will feel foreign, yet remember that the same people that keep asking you to push your boundaries are the same people that will never push their boundaries to the side for you. Stand up for yourself at the beginning of someone’s foolishness will prevent them ever pushing you to a point of pure rage.
No access to triggers
We notice the moment a person steps into a room and that they are just a human version of pure poison to your mental health and well-being. Reflect upon the type of people that push you to a state of anger, so in the future you can avoid them all together. If you find this difficult, ask yourself “ which part of me resonates with them”. For we have a tendency of attracting towards us, what is hidden inside of us. Finding out what the culprit is, you will free yourself from it!
Set clear boundaries for yourself and others
Some people see that you are a people pleaser or are not strong enough to stand firm behind your boundaries. Every time someone asks something from you, ask them right back: “what is it that is standing in your way of doing it yourself? And send them on their jolly way!
The ‘PAUSE’ method
In a moment of rage, stepping back and staying quiet in that moment is really useful to prevent you from doing or saying something you might regret later. Step back, breath, breath, keep breathing, go practice one of the healthy coping mechanism and see which one helps restores your inner peace. Once you are calm, you can approach your trigger accordingly!
Find your healthy coping mechanism
Anger is an emotion that is pure poison to the human body. Feel the feeling and learn what works best for you to release it out of your body! Take walks in nature, exercise, do yoga, meditate, paint, do your favorite hobby, dance, sing; do whatever gives and restores your peace of mind. For when anger gets stored in the body and organs, it will cause dysfunction, illness and cancers in the body. It’s all just emotions, like clouds passing by, observe them and let them go!
For there is no greater feeling to see these same monsters confined in the same trap they set up for you. No greater feeling that regardless all the doors they closed, all your ideas they stole and called their own, all the times they tripped you just to see you fall, yet today it is to you all of these monsters have to answer!
Keep building sweetheart!
Happy Healings,
Add comment
Comments