How do I find inner peace?

 I was watching a documentary on sungazing. it provoked me as well resonated with me. 

on march 16th 2020 the Netherlands went into a complete lockdown. I was doing research for a company and until may 2nd 2020 I didn’t feel the effects of the lockdown. After that date, it hit me! my way of coping with stressful situations has always been to find distraction in different ways, it might be exercise, food, traveling, you name it! My hair slowly started to turn white at the age of 27. I had to do something before I self-destruct! 

I found a yoga instructor that was promoting free yoga on the internet. I started her free 10 min  morning yoga movement challenge and combined it with 10 minute workouts as well. I did this for a period of  1 month and the inner peace that I had found was out of this world. shortly i moved into a new home and I had a garden in which I often gazed into the sun at sunrise and sunsets. In the afternoon I would close my eyes and just soak up the sun for no more than an hour.  for the first time in my life it felt as if life was flowing and working for me instead of against me. while soaking up the sun I felt in a constant meditative state. in which my hunger for food decreased and my hunger for inner healing increased. I got a little worried, for I was always taught by my surroundings that our body needs food. So i fasted daily until 2 pm and than ate a warm meal. The rest of the day i would stay hydrated with water. 

I was floating through life with elegance and ease, well until the fall came and my sun intake decreased drastically. My body went through what I compare to as ‘withdrawal’. Just like a drug that I was very addicted to. Addicted to that euphoric state I was in all summer. 

It felt like being snatched out of a sea of light and dumped into complete darkness. This experience taught me that balance is of high importance. I was doing all the spiritual practices to guide the life force that is inside of me to reach a higher state of consciousness, but in all those months I didn’t do any shadow work. Was this physical darkness that I arrived in, just a reflection of the shadows that come from my past traumas? These shadows are a product of all the wounds, pain, regrets and resentments I hold hostage inside of me. For I was taught many things in school, but not how to deal, comfort and ‘digest’ these bad emotions such as anger and sadness. ‘Time heals all’ isn’t that the saying. If my life experiences taught me anything is that intention heals all, not just time. 

when healing a wound on our body we grab disinfection, cotton and a plaster. we repeat these steps until the wound is completely healed. Yet we have a completely different approach to the wounds on our minds and souls. ‘Get over it’ or pretend it never happened’ are popular interventions we apply. For the short term it works perfectly, until these same wounds start to eat at us and slowly creating an abyss that some of us spend a whole life trying to fill with materialistic goods like a house, family, travel, money, you name it. yet remaining unsuccessful and completely numb.  

Fall 2020 and winter 2021 I retrieved back to my old coping mechanism: I dove back into my work. The dark state that my mind and consciousness was in just got worse. especially when the Netherlands went in the 2nd lockdown. No parties, no distractions what so ever. Pure torture. I was pushed into my shadows. For only in true darkness, I could see the power of my light. 

All the bad things i went through; grew into monsters and demons inside of me. For all the ugly things other people have said to me, I internalized them and now have become my own bully. A bully, a monster, a demon that I could not outrun, for they lived inside of me! 

There must be a better way I thought to myself. So for the first time in my life I sat with my shadows. I wanted to hear their side of the story in the hope that I could set myself free, forever!

As I am writing this, I am still doing a lot of shadow work. It was a little to enthusiastic of me to believe that I could heal 27 years’ worth of suppressed trauma in a few months. Can’t blame myself for trying tho! 

Today I finished watching the documentary about sungazing. I find it interesting that I bumped into it a year later after my intense experience with the sun. For a year ago I felt a little bit confused for I didn’t know anyone else that was in the same space of their journey as I was, so my experience was based on trial and error. Yet I wouldn't change a thing, for it made me more conscious of my intuition. For my intuition is my greatest teacher. 

While watching the documentary i would love to highlight that when you feel ready to embark on the journey to healing yourself and elevating into the life you always dreamed of; remember to do your research and question everything. For the approach that worked for someone else, is a nice start for you, always know that you can always customize the recipe for success that resonates with you. 

To answer the question ‘is the body solar powered?’ My answer for now is that maybe the light inside each and every human being aspires to be just like the sun:  completely enlightened. And maybe the Sun aspires to have the human experience and we are all just children of the sun. Living the human experience with the clear intention to reach a deeper understanding of ourselves; free of all judgement and shame!

Live, laugh, cry, scream, love and know that at the end of the day there are no right or wrong ways of living. Understand every interaction you have in this life and then keep on living! 

How do you find your inner-peace in 4 easy steps?

1. Yoga (massage for the inside of your body, releasing all the emotions that no longer serve you; 10 minutes every day or every other day is a wonderful start)
2. Drink water (cleanses your body from all toxins including energy and emotions such as sadness, anger and irritability )
3. Exercise (releases endorphins aka “the happy hormones; 10 mins a day or every other day is a good start)
4. Shadow work: self reflection

Shadow work is when you feel any emotions that bring you discomfort, anger, sadness etc. In that moment ask yourself the following questions:

Why do I feel this way? What was the trigger that made me feel this way? What do I need to do to make it better? Having a profound conversation with yourself will help you understand  yourself and your emotions better. When you understand where the emotions are coming from, it will become much more easier to better manage your emotions and mood!

Happy Healings!