“My child is very hyper, he has been diagnosed with ADHD and the medication is really helping” This is what one of my clients told me! My heart dropped. I thought to myself it’s a child. Being psychically active is a part of a child’s development. Between the ages of 0 – 19 a human being goes through different phases and stages of their development in which their natural drives keeps shifting in the body. The moment children start to go to primary school (age 6), I have noticed an increase in ADHD diagnosis. I had to do some further research!
Children between the ages of 6 – 12 are in the “latency phase”. In this phase children experience a heightened natural instinct to develop their fine and gross motor skills. This meaning that running, jumping, climbing, writing, reading, riding a bike etc. So when I observe my clients that tell me “ I just can’t get my kid to sit still.” My answer is always: it’s counterproductive to tell the Sun not to shine! Maybe the problem is with a society interfering with a child’s natural development and not the child!
I remember doing an internship in a daycare facility. I remember there was a couple that worked a lot and the job provided the life they wanted. The parents would bring their child in when we opened at 7:30 am and picked him up when we closed at 6:30 pm. One day the parents came to pick him up and he started to play. This was the child’s invitation to come “come play with me, I haven’t seen you all day”. The father didn’t get the memo and started to turn aggressive. The child eventually ended up listening and at the same time I saw how this child’s light started to disappear!
In my line of work I have seen parents destroy themselves and their relationship with their children, because they are doing everything that they promised themselves that they will never do to their own kids, because it’s exactly what their own parents did to them. This is the vicious cycle called trauma! And the old saying: “time heals all” is deceptive. For intention heals all! I find it really interesting how different approaches exist for healing psychical wounds and wounds to the soul. If we applied the same “time heals all” analogy to our psychical wounds, those wounds will never heal.
In the worst case scenario we would have to amputate a part of our body. Is this what happens when trauma is inflicted to the human spirit? And because no one teaches us how to heal wounds left on our spirit/ our soul, we just tuck them far far away in the back of our minds. Hoping to never having to deal with it ever again. Yet I ask myself leaving these wounds unattended, is this what has left us as a human race so empty and numb on the inside? Did our wounds get so bad, that we had to amputate parts of our soul and spirit?
I know it’s not fair! For these wounds you carry with you are not your fault! Shit happens and I need you to know that you didn’t deserve any of those ugly things that have happened to you! What I belief in that created us all doesn’t want any of us to suffer! So how do we heal? How do we take our power back?
It’s time to make new rules! Powered by pure love and intention! It’s time to follow our children’s lead, for they are the true embodiment of freedom! Before this world got its hands on them and suck all the life out of them! Protect the children by any means! This is also the child within you that never got to be free! For this world kept pushing us to grow up so quickly!
If you are a parent or are an adult that is seeking to heal your wounded inner child, I ask you to do the following:
Ask and observe where the child shows more resistance towards. Once identified you as the adult step aside and let the child be free. Keep observing the child and take note of what is the child naturally drawn towards. In psychology is it believed that children already know there lifepath, we as adults just need to provide food, shelter and guidance.
I remember growing up my dad used his own military training as a form of parenting. Little Lauriane barely made it out a live….. I remember being a little girl and I made a drawing in this notebook and my dad found it. He yelled at me and ripped my drawing up in front of me; I cried my heart out. He said that we don’t have time for such ‘nonsense”. My father pushed me in to mathematics and today I am a top researcher, yet I find no joy in it!
I left my island at the age of 18 to further my studies. In that moment it was rough leaving everything behind, yet it made room for me to find the person that I always knew I am supposed to become. Before my studies started, we had an introduction week, in which there was this cartoonist who came to school and just learned us basic drawing techniques. I was reintroduced to an old love I was forced to let go of. The way I slowly healed my inner child, was by going to one of those stores that each country has that sell everything for a low price. I bought paint, paper, brushes, canvas and large drawing paper. Slowly I went back to that part of me that I tucked far away, because I was told that part of me didn’t have “any value”. Maybe this was the reason I walked around most of my life thinking I didn’t have self-worth at all.
In the greatest patience I slowly heal all the wounds that an unconscious world left on me. Research has shown that in the laws of physics energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it can only go from one form to another. Meaning that the natural energetic urges in the human body can only be transformed into something else, when the needs are not met in certain phases of the development.
Going back to current day expectations of children to sit still, this suppressed their development in the fine and gross motor skills. This suppression turns into inner frustration. The frustration turns into aggressive behavior. The moment that different natural development urges are not met, it transforms into fixations. Fixations manifest into our lives in the form of addiction in different forms, for example food, shopping, working, smoking, drinking alcohol, social media, illegal substances etc.
The human body grows naturally into adulthood. The mind can only reach it’s full mature potential once the needs of every phase of your development has been met! So if you are an adult reading this and wonder why you “feel stuck in life”, this might be the reason why!
The moment I started to draw I noticed that my aggression subsided and I became much kinder to myself and others. For every time you feel aggressive, ask yourself “what are you trying to protect?” Once the answer presents itself, your aggression will subside.
These are 5 tips on how to fulfill most of your needs from your development that have not been met:
- Reflect on your Childhood
- Follow your interests and hobbies
- Identify your “triggers”
- Talk to your parent(s)/ the person who raised you
- Have an open conversation with yourself
Reflecting on your childhood can show you precisely which needs didn’t get the chance to be met. Ask yourself: “how did it make me feel?, how did I react to it? and how does it present itself in my life today”
Following your interests and hobbies will unleash the inner child inside of you! It will open up a whole new world, the world that you came to create when you were born! You will be surprised how doing activities you love will spark a fire inside of you that no one can ever extinguish. Once you have mastered your interests, you will be surprised that these same interests will help you create a life that you love!
Identifying your triggers will show you exactly where certain emotions come from. For example shame, guilt, jealousy, regret, anxiousness, anger etc. Once you identify your triggers, you can heal those same fragile spots within by asking yourself: “what do I need to make it better?”
Talking to your primary caretaker when you were younger will give you insight behind the motives of their parenting skills. This will also give you a peek into their own childhood as well. At the end of the day we are all just wounded children, raising wounded children. It’s time to create a new narrative, filled with healing and nurturing love, so we can elevate into a higher state of consciousness.
Having an open conversation with yourself will open up your intuition, heart and soul to yourself. For subconsciously we internalize that mean parent and become that mean parent to ourselves. So long after we remove ourselves from a restricting environment, we still carry those convictions within our psyche. By asking your intuition how can you set yourself free, than and only then you will get an answer. At the beginning it might be confusing, for you can’t really distinguish when your intuition or your conditioning is speaking. A handy trick is to notice what the result is after following the instructions. I have noticed when my intuition is speaking it results in me moving through life in elegance and ease! When I follow my conditioning it results me self-sabotaging my own happiness.
Be extremely proud of yourself! For you are embarking on a journey that will lead you into your own greatness! It took you a lot of courage to get here! And know that it will only get better! It will not always be easy, but it will be worth it! For a motivational pep talk, check my previous blog: you will find the link below!
Follow me on my socials: Instagram @ CaribbeanHealing and Facebook: Lauriane Ammerlaan Inc. for updates for every time I post a new blog and keep up to date when therapy sessions are available!
Stay tuned for when I approach interesting topics such as: addiction, depression, stress, back pain, healing your inner child, boosting your self-worth and self-love and so much more!
Can’t wait until the next blog post, you are in luck! I have recently published my book called Purpose! It is packed with stories filled with psychological analogies and tools on how to navigate through this journey called life! Most importantly it gives you tools on how to unleash your greatness into this world!
If reading is not really your thing, you can also listen to the wonderful knowledge I am giving by following the podcast “Caribbeanhealing”; available on podcast streaming platforms of your choice!
Happy Healings!
Lauriane
Add comment
Comments