It's been a few months since I moved back to the small island I grew up on. Some might call me crazy for ever going back to what some call " a God forsaken place". In my eyes I must go back to find out why do foreigners call it paradise, yet locals can't see it! Besides I call it crazy to stay in a country that convinces me every chance they get to "go back to my own land", without ever acknowledging the fact that they are the reason I am here in the first place. So the journey started!  Threw everything away and bought a one way ticket and hoped that for the time being the Netherlands would never see me again. 

Numb… That’s the best way to describe it. Numb and stuck in life are the two best descriptions  to how it felt, before the feeling of wanting to break free presented itself. Break free from what precisely was still not identified, yet feeling free could never feel this way. A pure hunger lingered, yet food is not what was yearned for. A pure hunger for life kept lingering, yet not knowing how to obtain it……

 Trauma is a  result from exposure to an incident or series of events that are emotionally disturbing or life-threatening with lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and mental, physical, social, emotional, and/or spiritual well-being.

Even though you were thrown into the pits of hell, you still made it to heaven somehow, for the light that is within you is only made visible in complete and utter darkness; Shine bright warrior, shine bright!

What is  even the reason I exist?

There comes a point in your life that you walk around with so much anger inside of you, that you don’t even know where it comes from. A lifetime of being told how you need to behave to be a “good person” in this life! At a certain degree being a good person started to look like a person with no boundaries and a limitless supply of patience for the “wrong people”.

“People walk around trying to make others lose their minds

“If I grew up there, I would have never left”. These are the words that people say to me when I tell them that I come from the Caribbean! In that moment I take a deep breath and contemplate if I should  burst this persons bubble. For the Caribbean islands are a paradise for tourists, but is far from paradise for the local populations.

I have never felt more powerless than this past 18 months. Trying so desperately to hang on to our old reality, yet the realization came that this reality wasn’t that great to begin with. 

“My child is very hyper, he has been diagnosed with ADHD and the medication is really helping” This is what one of my clients told me! My heart dropped.  I thought to myself it’s a child. Being psychically active is a part of a child’s development. Between the ages of  0 – 19 a human being goes through different phases and stages of their development in which their natural drives keeps shifting in the body. The moment children start to go to primary school (age 6), I have noticed an increase in ADHD diagnosis. I had to do some further research!